Media : my rant lmfao!

Every single sitcom has certain specific cliche plots that are always revoked in other sitcoms or spin-offs, here is just a small list of shows hat have done this.

most shows I hve noticed the plot involving two of the main characters in a typical dispute, a couple, an ex, a friend, but in this case one character finds out their ex boyfriend/girlfriend is going on vacation with a new lover to a spot of signifigance to former lovers, a typical worn-out washed up idea predictable for sitcoms. Just as there are shows about drugs, alcohol and sex there will always be ideas and stories revamped back to life and there will always be a demand for television as long as there are viewers, and with new generations coming into this world, the children are relied on the same upbringing with the same mindless point of views from televisions. Not only does creating stereotypes strive to rip a fabric in our society but children grow up with the ideas that it is right to act a certain way, yet we are all aware of free rights, free speech and yes, above all free choice, though this can be debated until we have ourselves quite condundrum, but thus like all problems there is a solution, and clearly choice is the only alternative because in all reality we have no say what the media throws at us and we cannot interfer with it. The point of television is to exaggerate life to the fullest, either it poses a problem with a solution that's a thirty fucking minute quick fix when in reality it would take take days, weeks or more, but tv will have us believe that we can deal with life crisis and be done it in 30 minutes, yet when that thirty minutes is up and as you reach for the clicker to turn off the tv, you realize then that lifes problems cannot be turned off that easily with a click of a button, People will say that to appreciate life the fullest you have to really live life, and to feel pain you have to learn to take a bleed once in a while for a cause much greater, spending your life buried in soap operas and cop dramas is not going to fulfill your lifes true purpose, but then... what is lifes purpose and in what ways has the media played a role in changing that outlook on society and social situations we face in every day life, while sitcoms are the most misleading I find next to soap operas, but the one thing I liked are some television shows that have a plot that develops over a series of carefully elaborated situations and with the new age of television we saw the innovated, raw, raunchy, real life, shows such as MTV's The Real World that introduced random roommates prodiminately young twenties to add "sex appeal" thown under one roof to live together co-operatively (more like dysfunctionally!) then came the mark of the Celebrities all under one roof such as The Surreal Life which puts past-time flash in the pan celebrities and forces them into one house, then came more celebrities with the rising flock of family celebrities falling into the "reality celebrity family stardom" such acts as The Osbournes, to Gene Simons, The Two Coreys, The Holgans, and now the next new celebrity family to soon come our way be prepared for it.... The Hasselhoffs, but let's see if actor David Hasselhoff can make a good come back. Other shows have taken a twist on reality but keeping with reality but putting it blunt perspective, this is what I love/hate about reality shows, especially ones that involve addictions and interventions, these shows put addiction and reality on a stand and says that the structure of television and media cna be used as a source to reach people with problems right at home, even right in their own living rooms we are being counselled by the television to make a change, even ads paid by our government are becoming more representive of this idea of change, we didn't have quite the care and response as we did lets say even 5 or 10 years ago, hell even in the 1950s with no forewarning of smoking, we have sure come along way in such short time in understanding the health affects, but while that is true, there are far more worse threats to our world then there was back then. but how has the media changed us ? why the media is us, only thing about it is that we have very little say about it, our needs are someone elses ideas not our own and we want it not because we really WANT it but because we are told that if we don't consume the amount they tell us then we will just all assume go mad?! lmfao

anyways thanks for reading my rant! xD

xoxo

bryan!

multi faceted faces with cone shaped eyes bulging outward
and hands attached to strings and laces attached to some unseen force in the sky
the master who holds our fates of race as we hurry to find an escape our time races out
inside these multi colored rooms, with a sharp resemblance of death and gloom
with big balloon mirrors in every corner you turn
reflecting off a beam of light
casting it onto the shadows
leading these freaks of twisted ambitions
to slowly wander aimlessly into a tunnel
where they met the machine who granted them a life of supreme
your life shall be limited to what we only show, only know the things we know.
we limit you from the outside, stay within your confinements of premises
every day a written your task is to make new parts

parts of a heart
the master of disaster
has written a role for your part
a new part for your filtered heart will arrive in on Tuesday
but come the weekend your hearts will be off on automatic submission
give in to the machine!
it is your destiny to complete this mission
when your done building one machine
move onto the next one and fix it
the masters cleverness
puts my human counterparts at unease
for the threat of my other ancestral human past is at threat
at the hands of the machine
if only i could free
free far away from my masters orders and his dreams

the extensial of this extra terrestrial
is not measured in miles or lightyears
pillars or stones
His message of

story song

Another hero, young Matthias
looking through a looking glass
is this dream a phase of the mind,
while my wise elders tell me to carry on
forget the past young Matthias, your job is to be young, live your life, after all it has only just begun

Oh great Methusula, so wise and understanding

Psych Incisionist

What if at a certain age we go to visit our doctors and they implant strings into our hands and legs, controling us like puppets, we are pretty much free to do what we want with only one minor problem, the strings attached to us only allow us to travel so far. The strings cannot be penetrated or cut by any pair of scissors. The idea is that the doctors begin playing God with God's real creatures. The doctor has control of the strings and decides when and who should be next to die. One doctor in particular runs a death making business, he is in it to kill because no one would ever suspect the doctor and no trace can ever be linked to the doctor as proof he even killed at all. All the doctor has to do is find a way to cut the strings of his patients without leaving any actual physical mark. Everything for the doctor goes smoothly until a young teenage boy named Noah with an acute case of psychosomatic disorder as well as mental disorder involving frequent suicide attempts, Noah checks into the hospital where the lunatic doctor is working on his latest suitable death device and Noah just might be next to be in the grips of that insane methodical serial killer. The doctor agrees to take on Noah's case as his first top priority, The doctor begins drugging Noah's food and water, during psychiatric treatment therapy sessions Noah had been drinking glasses of water from a large jug of water which was laced with chemicals, the doctor convinces Noah is insane. Noah starts having visions and these visions give him warning but Noah doesn't listen, in one therapy session Noah starts to hallucinate badly and seeing images that horrified him, like his doctor morphing from human into Satan demonic force, and behind him the room grew very dark, the fireplace next to the chair where the doctor sat in lit up in a blaze which casted the entire room into a bright burning red, Noah even felt the temperature increase.

What Stays & What Comes & What Goes and.... what comes next?

"If you are going to wait for your friend to come pick you up then go wait somewhere else.. I don't want you standing at the end of my driveway where I have to look out and see you" I closed the door on him sending my last regards as he grabbed his bags up off my driveway and proceeded to walk away down the street. It was not even two days ago we met for the first time, we hit it off, his name was Ahmed, he was Eighteen years old going on nineteen. He came into my life to change me and god knows for whatever reasons that may be, for me it is too soon to say if he changed me for the better because I am still too upset about it. It's not easy when you have someone who comes into your life and shapes you and makes you feel like you are flawless even when my flaws were very apparent he made it seem unnoticable.

His smile,
His laughter..
and the way we bonded and connected all these small things were inexplicable differences and yet little did I know it would be one of the reasons I could never hold on to him and also one of the reasons that made it that much more difficult to let go of him. The week or two prior to Ahmed coming down to St. Catharines from Mississauga, Ontario. Ahmed and I had ongoing communication on msn, we talked about everything, my past experiences and he shared me his stories that were happening in his life and never have I before experienced such a strange flight sensation like this man was tailored made for me yet this new strange warm sensation could not prepare me for the cold front setting in. He arrived on a Thursday night. At around 7pm(ish) I recieved a knock (DOORBELL?) coming from my front door. My roommate Jeremy answered the door before me. All I heard was "Bryan, are you expecting someone?" I charged to the door where I set eyes on the most beautiful boy I had ever seen in my life. Never had I fallen for such a boy since my first crush on Travis K (when I was in grade seven, or eight?) that friendship with travis ended because he was a homophobic loser.

Anyways here was this beautiful young eighteen year old boy
who travelled all the way from his city of missisauga
with his gay friend Stewie who drove Ahmed to see me. Stewie brought his little yappy chihuahua who would not shut up and of course my other roommate Jenny's dog Diseasal came outside with me where he sniffed butts with Stewart's dog while I attempted to break the uneasy silence with some casual conversation about weather but really I just wanted to make quick conversation so I could get inside and have actual time to get acquainted with him. We talked for a while he showed me his acer laptop and I laughed because I thought it was cute that me and him had almost similar laptops.
Ahmed, how to describe him?
well since it's all over and in the past (I kid, I still think about him constantly)
so it's a bit easier to discuss it openly about it. Although the hardest physical feature for me to describe the most is his eyes. I once saw in his eyes a burning desire to know and understand me. He was sweet, fair, patient yet very persistant and determined on having what he wanted and getting what he wanted out of life. In his own way he made it clear he wanted me yet apparently I was too blind to see he was trying (this according to him) and apparently by failing to see his attempts made me the worst person known to man or so he would have it be known that I am the worst... in his own delusional mind maybe.. I mean, I clearly didn't know whether to trust him and even after having explained my relationship issues I had in the past, he failed to see and grasp the understanding that guys have declared all sorts of dire interests to know me yet not one of them has ever truly meant what they say.

Anyways, we continued to sit and chat, I sat on my computer chair across from him who was sitting on my bed making himself comfy and taking things out of his weekend bag. He had his clothes, hair/shower products and he even handed me a Dove conditioner he had gotten the choice to pick one out of two promotional products at the movie theatre that he worked at. So he chose the mini bottles of Dove conditioner and gave me a bottle to keep. It was fair to say that things were already starting out so great. After we talked for a bit I proposed the idea that we go for a walk while it was still semi light out. We walked out of my room then down the hallway and down the stairs out the door. It was getting a bit dark and it was a little cool out, we were not even yet down the street or past four houses and already he had my hand owned in his. Needless to say our hands did not quite match evenly with one another. my hand much smaller more dainty than his, his hands were firm, stronger and felt very assuring when holding mine. I felt safe and secure in this time frame yet the very pessismistic side of me held too much back from him, finding security made room for more to become more vulnerable, often times I wonder if this newfound security really made me feel more vulnerable or how much apart of me did I create for myself because I truly bought into the belief that I was much weaker than others, though Ahmed kept reinforcing me to be strong reinforce that I am strong but by the ends he had me believe that I was nothing.

We continued on down my street of Stonegate and we headed towards the third park behind Applewood elementary school, we sat at the playground which was graffitied by a bunch of kids over the years there was several attempts to remove it but every time I return there is more graffiti there than the last time but that's no sign that the kids in and around the area are getting any brighter with their personal graffiti stylized butchery, infact if there was any actual style at all maybe I would consider it art even if hateful, but this was pointless. so Ahmed and I sat at the top of the playground gazing up at the stars that were coming out as the night sky grew darker. We talked about beliefs, i told him how I believed a bit in reincarnation and he said he believed in it as well. He told me that when he dies he was going to come back as a rabbit. I laughed and thought it was cute, he held me with his arms wrapped around me tightly and kept me warm. I can't begin to describe the sensation that came with being really wanted by someone other than my chosen friends and family. There are not a lot of things in this world I stand for or believe in but I believe things are meant to pass us by for whatever ryhme or reason that case may be so it's just meant to be. I learned this....

What stays, what comes, what goes
it's all really all the same questions because they all lead to one determined road/answer, what comes next? where do we go from here? is it my fault?
the pessisimistic worrier fiends on his worries and for me that worry grew more massive especially since I met Ahmed, I worried that eventually he would leave me to head home back to Mississauga and even though I knew it was only inevitable that he would leave me to go home but that wasn't the part that had me most afraid, what had me was the idea of not actually having him beside me but it would become a natural progressing feeling for me.

After hanging out at the park for ever how long we were there til (a bit foggy with time references) 10pm then we made our way over to the Avondale (at the plaza on the corner of Rockwood Ave, and Woodrow) We walked along the sidewalk towards the store and it was very dark out. Ahmed held my hand as we walked down the street. We heard a voice yelling in the distance cutting us off as we were walking. "BRRRYAAAN!" I quickly looked around to see if I knew who was calling for me but no face and I could not recall who it was until ... I saw a face, it was Jeremy and his friend Dan (the bad Dan that nobody likes) the two of them were drunk faced and it showed, apparently Jeremy made a move on my friend who worked at the Avondale, surpisingly nobody heeds my advice when it comes to douchebag men because now they somehow are friends lmfao, but I digress, what happens next is we leave Dan and Jeremy to go inside the avondale to get some pop, chips and other crap. We walked in and my friend Crystal was washing up the floors and she approached us excited to see us together or probably just excited to see me with any MAN at all. she said "Hey Bryan, how goes it? So is this your little friend?" and of course to her I replied "Yes this is my friend his name is Ahmed" and then him and I continued to browse around the aisles on a quest to satisfy my craving. I picked up some Orange soda, some chips and an energy drink. We left the store headed home where we listened to music, laughed, he showed me his favorite songs from his playlist on his laptop and I showed him my favorites. A song came on I can remember the lyrics to Macy Gray's song "I try" the lyrics went something like, "I try to walk away and I stumble, though I try to hide it, it's clear my world crumbles when you are not near" and I can remember singing this song with Ahmed and the feeling that came with this bonding. I asked him if he was at all ticklish and he said "no" but that proved to be wrong, I attempted to tickle him and laughed and then we proceeded to settle a score with a pillow fight that ended up with me ontop of him trying to hold him down and he was not even budging to move at all, he just froze there and let me take over.

For once here was a guy who gave me all control, all the power and freedom to let me do what I want with him and yet there was no guilt, no shame and it felt absolutely right and I knew he could feel it too. Every time I went to tickle him he would let out a gut-busting laugh that sounded so sweet and innocent. After horsing around on my bed and listening to tunes we decided to go for another walk, I was already excited to show Ahmed the places that I been and places where I grew up. I thought maybe... maybe if I pin-pointed out all the trademarks that have made me then maybe he would be the first to really, really understand me in truth. So we headed for the walk back down my street towards the school, we turned right off Stonegate and on to Woodrow, walked towards the store but we turned another right and headed down Rockwood Ave and kept going towards the Canal Lock 3 nearest to the St. Catharines Museum, we walked by my moms house in a circle on Fred Fischer, a newly made street that comes off Rockwood Ave. When we came to close to my moms house, the rain was coming down heavy. Ahmed saw my face was wet and out of nowhere he pulls out a napkin, or tissue of some sort and he wipes my eyes and face clearing me of any rain. I said, "Why did you do that?" to which he said "You were sweating so I had to wipe your face" and at that moment I sensed not just a sweet and amazing guy but I also sensed a great provider, someone whom would be there for me to protect me from harm as well. There is one thing a man like me needs, it's love, and the re-assurance that I am needed. We headed to the Canal and walked up the stairs at the back of the museum and went up and gazed up at the ships crossing by.

I told Ahmed how I used to come up there a lot and watch the ships float pass me, curiously I wished I could just jump off here and onto a ship as it moved on through, if it beats staying here of course I would take the chance and leap onto the ship and leave yet I stressed to Ahmed I would never do that kind of thing, it's who I was at that exact point all I felt was excited to be spending time with someone I liked, no thoughts slipped in my mind ... too soon to give it this much thought although earlier on before he came even then I was anxious to meet him face to face. After the canal we went back to my house on Stonegate, we set up in my bedroom, i brought out my laptop and showed him a movie I really liked that I had just watched recently called "Hedwig and the Angry Inch", we watched that and cuddled in bed, both in our clothes pretty much, he was in his underwear me as well but shirtless me and him not so much and that was how it went down during the course of his short stay with me. After falling asleep with him beside me, I felt so secure and safe though I later found out safety cannot be measured in numbers and safety could not be measured in moments when he was safely asleep, safety cannot be measured in hotness or coldness of temperature and yet it's these warm fragile moments, right here and right now that force and entice us into self-destruct mode when you get a little bit or in my case a lot of attention from someone then ever little bit is amazing but then failing to recognize and see it sooner or perhaps saying the wrong thing and it's too late to take it back.

Friday morning I woke up, the sunlight leaking through my bedroom window, it was going to be a nice and warm July Friday, I got up and crawled over Ahmed who was still sound asleep and I just crawled over him to get on my computer to check my facebook and all I can remember is turning back and looking at Ahmed sleeping and I was pretty sure he was snoring but still it was cute. I felt a little weird watching him sleep but at the same time just taking everything around me in. Ahmed eventually woke up, I already had showered and now Ahmed was getting up to go shower, after we are both ready we proceeded to leave. we walked towards an Avondale store off some street that goes onto Glendale Ave, so we just went to the Avondale i bought him a bottle of water and bought myself an energy drink, we sat outside where it was warm the entire time Ahmed bragged about how great life was in Mississauga, personally i was getting tired of that side of him and him always comparing St. Catharines as "little town" when in fact that's quite the contrary from the actual truth of it. Ahmed and I walked down Glendale towards the new Scotia Bank that recently opened up. We got there and Ahmed took out some cash and then we left to head home because we were going to go to a Beatles tribute concert at ZOOZ, so we went with my dad and his girlfriend, they picked up around 6-7 (?) then we went on our way into the show, it was now Friday night and we got in, the entire time Ahmed and I walked around holding onto one another, I was trying to find my two friends Amanda Fegan and Lindsay Sawatsky, I had no luck finding them until at the end of the show when I ran into them in the Parking lot, there they were. Later I found out that Amanda said to Lindsay "Is that not the happiest you ever seen Bryan?" and to which Lindsay agreed.
There was more than truth to that, I did like Ahmed a lot and he was the first thing to make my life truly happy in the longest time but like I said when you have nothing and then finally get a bit of something good then it sets you up because now your always going to think you will never do or find better because you draw from comparison but at this point I couldn't compare Ahmed to anyone I have been with before because before him I had never really had any serious boyfriend... so in a way Ahmed really was the first actual thing that came close to fulfilling that 'happy' side of me that I had been missing, this will later serve again as IRONY for realizing now how happy he really made me, the ironic part is that I realize it on so many levels but either way I look at it I still missed the best thing because I mistook so many things for things they weren't and I wouldn't let things drop when I should have and in a way I still say my needy-ness had much of a part to play for pushing him off the edge, maybe if I stopped asking him where the relationship was going and where him and I were at then maybe I would have kept him around a lot longer than I had, but in all fairness he was only down visiting me for three days and then going home and the last thing I should have been doing was questioning where it would lead when neither of us knew where we would end up but even still... is it not worth a chance to try and see? still... my heart and his trust/faith would then have to be put into question because of the distance, I know I would never change my feeling but it was my uneaseness towards waiting on someone else to return to me that struck the hardest chord with me.

The show was really good despite the band screwing up the beginning of the song 'Come Together' and I recall holding Ahmed ontop of the hill, holding onto this moment wanting it to last forever...after the show my dad drove us back to my house and me and Ahmed we were talked to coming in the backyard to hangout with Jeremy and his friends and roast hotdogs over a fire. We went inside where me and Ahmed had a heart to heart discussion about my feelings of total insecurity and my need for someone like him to make me happy...

buying time

if i could buy your time

would you be mine?

if i could buy you a week

would you stay forever

if i tolld you i loved you

would you ever say never?

even if what i say sometimes gets mixed up

even I pour my whole guts out

man if you could only see me now

and yet i buy your time and you don't even say thanks

you look at me a blank stare, its unfair i give my heart

you just leave it there to rot rot

no this is not what i thought how love worked

but love is in everything love isnt everything

sothing is everything when you got nothing to start over

life throws you over the curb, you curved your way out

and you carved your way to the top of the mountain

you believe that mountains were our saviours

and we should each follow our own mountain

but start on different paths, yes and like the mountain

and the seas we will meet again ,merge sea and land

buying time

if i could buy your time

would you be mine?

if i could buy you a week

would you stay forever

if i tolld you i loved you

would you ever say never?

even if what i say sometimes gets mixed up

even I pour my whole guts out

man if you could only see me now

and yet i buy your time and you don't even say thanks

you look at me a blank stare, its unfair i give my heart

you just leave it there to rot rot

no this is not what i thought how love worked

but love is in everything love isnt everything

sothing is everything when you got nothing to start over

life throws you over the curb, you curved your way out

and you carved your way to the top of the mountain

you believe that mountains were our saviours

and we should each follow our own mountain

but start on different paths, yes and like the mountain

and the seas we will meet again ,merge sea and land

No reason to be here... he just is

he's lying about everything

when he says he doesn't know anything

yeah he's totally in the dark about everything

he just says he doesn't know what he saying

says it all comes out by accident

its not on purpose

he came to do you no harm

infact he never meant to come that way at all

he just fell here

stood out of place there

he had no reason to even be here

he's just in the dark

he's home but the lights are off

remember i told you all about him

and how his life was shortly cut off

by the noose that strung him from

the top of watertower where he hung himself on

Sounds unheard of in a town unkown

My heart is like an oven

the feeling I feel is always nothing

when i'm around you

i feel like I'm nothing

but i realize now its not just me

its you thats below the nothing (thank you for making me)

the same nothing you keep feeding me

the same nothing i keep putting up with (thank you for making me feel special)

the nothing that makes my soul

sometimes feels to me like a hot engine

its beenn overdriven

driving on down the war path

on the path

to destruction

he began his killings

but the judge ruled his acts multiple homocide

the clue was the hidden sign

when folks said that he was always shy

they knew something was wrong

it was his cleverness that made him slide

slither off the curb

on the curve of the disturbed

it did not occur to them

the towns people that never stood a chance

everything always rests

on the destructin of this one man

him alone with his gun

he can take you control

take it down with the ship

like an anchor dropping in the ocean

he's on the curve of disturbed

in this chaos of comotion

he sets aside he emotions

but still he leans on the verge of destruction

he prays to god "please please stop these damn four walls from closing"

but nobody knows it that this was going to happen

in a town that had not yet awoken

until the sirens rang,

a sound that was unheard of in a town unknown

My world folds in half, you don't give a half

when my world folds in half
you stand there and don't give a half
so watch me break my fucking back
why should i help you
did you help me?
I had hope that you would give me half a hand
seems like the more i ache the longer i stand, its like i'm always crying, why do i sigh, every time the moon is always high, and I'm always high on my life
it feels like a million and one emotions, firecrackers explosions, going up all at once, blowing up in my eyes.

wach me now while I'm climbing, tearing up the midnight skies
i can see a sudden drop shift it, you can see it the look in my eyes
like i'm about to go off on you with a switchblade knife to you're throat and cut your eyes
and bleed you like a hairless goat

if i had a penny

if i had a penny
a penny for your thoughts
I'd buy back the time
and erase every thought
every minute for lesser pain
to do it again i'd screw you again
if i had a penny
a penny to spend
it surely wouldn't go to waste on you ever again
oh if i had the time it wouldn't be worth a dime
if i had the rhyme it wouldnt bring back the time
but who the fucking cares you weren't worth any of mine

closed eyes are often immune

eyes closed
the world shut
shutting out
the world through
shutting my
eyes closed,
closed off all
eyes
immune
to the pain
but it still shuts me out
when my eyes are restrained
by the magnetic waves
from the atmospheric decay
and gravitys pulling its own weight
down upon me like sharp jagged fangs

the distance of nothing

without you
I see nothig
the blind cold light
of a snowy alley
alone without you
I see nothing quite as clearly
as looking into the distant horizon
and seeing everything as nothing
just a world
on busy streets
with busy cars
my life
a life less progressive
try living your life inside house
always worried of going out

I feel so alone...
how do you measure the distance of that?
how do you measure the distance of nothing

Remember the Fangs?

remember when the fangs

of death dawned

fear surrounded us

questions ever growing

concerns

that are going

through my head

filling me up

and then shooting me out

shutting me in

so i can never escape

a death worse than fate

remember when I bit your neck

you stood there poised, stiff delicate,

deceased

the moon is bears its intoxicating essence

remember the fangs?

Meet your maker

Take me now

and do me how

make me meet my maker!

teach me how to push it harder

and make me 'come' a believer

then bend you over and have you meet your maker

I'm gonna make you 'come'

And I'll make sure you are a believer

Gonna meet your maker

Final destination HILL, I'm going down

Take me now

Red Guitar - Short story by me

Re Guitar

There was once a man by the name of Steven Dumplo. He always seemed to be interested in music, although he never played a real instrument in his entire life. One day, when Steven was walking home from school, he looked in his pocket to see if he had any money to buy an electric guitar. He looked through the window of the store and noticed one truly amazing guitar. He stared at it with wide eyes. His hope was lost when he saw the price tag for four thousand dollars. Just as Steven turned to walk home the most out of the ordinary thing occurred. Four thousand dollars fell out of the sky. As he snatched the money on the road a car comes by and smashed him beyond recognition. Steven was later pronounced dead. A man appeared on the scene by the name of John Eden. He saw the money and grabbed it. As he looked across the street, the window with the red guitar caught his eye. He was in awe over this extraordinary guitar. He walked into the store and told an old man, the owner of the store, that he wanted to purchase the red electric guitar. The old man told John that it was unsafe and that it was cursed.

An old rocker owned the guitar, and had played the guitar until it possessed him to kill himself in a luxury hotel in Los Angelas. John listened quietly to the old man as he drew tears down his eyes, as he told the story of the cursed guitar. The man continued to tell stories of how many people had died while trying to posses the guitar.

Some have claimed to see the guitar in action. The guitar’s sound is fast paced, yet unmistakably warm feeling. Some people believe that the owner owns the guitar, but in fact, it is the guitar that owns the owner. A guitar like this can go a long way, to a point of self-destruction and paranoia.

"Although nothing serious has happened since…since..," the old man began to trip over his words. He continued, "Well nothing happened since the accident a minute ago, when the man found the money on the road".

The old man continued, "This guitar feeds on deaths and murders. Another death and this will be a shame. This guitar is very old, dangerous and not meant for an inexperienced person like you. And therefore I will not allow you to take this guitar". I know the way that old black magic works! I know, I know, said the old man angrily. "Yes, but mister, you do have it on sale" replied John. "Well, yes I do, but I am not selling to the likes of you". "I have the money I demand the guitar now". John’s eyes turned dark and fierce. He was not acting like himself. It seemed like he was being controlled by someone or something. Who it was he was, He was unaware. John seemed obsessed with the guitar. John decided to make the man give him the guitar even if it meant death. The guitar shone near the steel glass window of the store. John stood silent just looking at the guitar in a trance. Then John started yelling , " I want the guitar now! Give me the guitar now!" John screeched and raved on about the guitar. Little did he know the guitar would be the death of him. John pulled out a gun and shot the old man. He ran over to the window where he had seen the guitar. untouched and unmoved for years. John grabbed the guitar and put it in a black guitar case and left the store quickly. He went home to his apartment.

John arrived home and set his guitar on the floor of his bedroom. That is when the oddest thing happened. As he turned his head towards the kitchen he saw the guitar standing there. He headed towards the kitchen and picked up the guitar in shock and surprised at how the guitar made it from his bedroom to the kitchen. It was as if it had been following him. John noticed that the scratches on the guitar had disappeared and had the never been used look. John thought about what the old man had said about the guitar. It was then that he tried to erase the haunted image of the man’s dark pale face in his mind. Then John turned and headed for the phone, and almost panicked. He did not want to be the only one to see the guitars odd magic curse. So he called his girlfriend and told her to meet him at the old café. He needed to explain to her everything about the curse of the guitar before he went on stage that night.

As he talked to her, the old man’s voice crept into his head and asked " How does it feel John? How does it feel to be a rock star? Was it all that you ever wanted? Was it everything you hoped and dreamed for? Was it worth killing me for?

John shouted " Shut up, shut up!" Now everything faded and John woke up and had forgot he was on the phone with his girlfriend. It had seemed by then that she had hung up with all the frustration of trying to tell John to calm down. John then got dressed up in his stage clothes and grabbed his guitar and headed to the old café.

He tried to get through the front door but it was jam packed with lots of people.

John took a seat and sat down and waited patiently for his girlfriend Shannon to show up. It had felt like John had been stood up for a no show. Thirty minutes turned into an hour of boredom and now that boredom turned to anger. He was upset that she had stood him up making him look like a fool sitting there all alone. John wasn’t paying any attention to what was going on around him. He clicked in to a phase much like the one that had occurred when he was on the phone with Shannon and the voice of the old man that he had killed. "How does it feel John? How does it feel to know your loved one is dead?" John tried to ignore everything up to the point of when the old man mentioned Shannon. The old man spoke in his grassy eerie voice "She’s dead at ten o’clock". John woke up feeling afraid and panicky. He got up off his chair and ran out of the café and headed all the way across town trying to reach Shannon’s house. He got there just before ten o’clock which was a good thing. John went inside and saw that she had been brushing her hair nice and softly. John walked across the room to reach Shannon. She got up and turned around and said "what are you doing here?" John told her what had happened but he did not explain the ways of the cursed guitar. John lay down and closed his eyes and listened to the sound of his girlfriend playing his guitar. She played it nice and softly, until she tried to get the guitar off her. Until the strap of the guitar came off and went around her neck. It choked her in an instant, her hand was bleeding from playing the guitar for too long. John was already fast asleep by then and when he woke up he saw the body of her lying down on the floor. It was the most gruesome sight he had ever seen in his life. He grabbed his guitar and decided to get to the night show and destroy the guitar on stage and he could not refuse the money in all this. To him, sure his girlfriend was killed and he cared a lot about her, but now there was no turning back. Once he would step on stage he would have to face the music. John arrived at the largest concert in the world, he got up on stage for his final act of the show, which lasted twelve hours long for almost each song. The reason why he couldn’t stop was because, if he did, the guitar would kill him on the spot in front of fourteen million people. After the end of the song it didn’t matter if this guitar made him a star or even if it made him play better. He just wanted his old life back. John trashed the guitar so many times trying to make one dent into it but no luck what so ever. He smashed it against a wall and on the stage floor he threw it into the crowd. As he turned to head off the stage the guitar was right in front of him and he grabbed it again and shattered it into pieces. John received a big applause from millions of people. The reviews were excellent said his manager. John decided to leave the recording business- it just wasn’t for him. John got into his car. The seat belt clicked in for him as if possessed and the stearing wheel began to go on its own. John looked at the rear view mirror and saw the guitar in his back seat. John wasn’t watching where the car was going all he knew was the roads were too icy. And this was for sure the final ending of his journey. He went sideways off a bridge and into the icy waters. John struggled to get the seat belt off but by then, he had already swallowed too much water and drowned in the waters.

Ten years later an old fisherman in Portland, Maine was fishing and caught seaweed and to his surprise he saw a shinny red guitar. Which later he gave to his granddaughter Suzan and so the curse begins yet again.

"Untitled story" ? unfinished...

　

　

misty dreams, foggy dew, smell of forests, morning campfire smoke, I awoke and the sun blinked twice and smiled and opened its golden mouth and said, "Hello there son how are you, i biiiid you GOOD day...." but then i looked away and looked back, and the sun vanished like a time lapsed ahead, and the moon was angry and said "you must be punished" and i did look at my watch realize the hands on my clock were faces. the
watch on my wrist turned into a small garden snake and moved about me, slithering down
my arm and onto the grass.
I stood up i felt devoured by the trees but at the same time i felt calm
by the breeze and the ever changing skies. I felt peace here but only for a moment
this must be my birth, i know i lived to see it for a million cycles now, 68 days, 68 years
in a reality I have unheard of this has all now changed but I felt like the envy of man inside this strange land because nobody could understand something quite as real as nature. time seemed but the differences of time here is night and day seems so fast your rarely sleep but still feel alert to carry on but some people would naturally die because the time process ages you and when your days are shorter time seems to zoom, essentially what i am saying is life disappears before your eyes if you don't keep your guard up but not that you really can prevent anything from happening you can only prepare yourself.
think of it this way, you know how some people say they wish they could
watch their lives flash before their eyes, well here you can watch time literally grow and watch your physical changes by day because day would equal a year and another three days is another three years. one interesting thing is you can remember your birth because
time and days were short you could literally touch your dreams because it seemed like dreams that were passing not staying although eventually you age so fast the memories become blurs and the mind turns to insanity as form of only release or as sign of explanation. I woke up in this forest, i feel i been here before, i still smell the trees, the air is delicious i can smell hamburgers on a barbeque or ribs with a tangy sauce smells just moving and swaying me side to side. reminds me of when i went camping with my mom and of course my dad when he was around, he left my mom he had a drinking problem and got abusive, i heard them fight a lot, and i heard a lot of crying and i felt i couldn't do nothing ... that was two days ago, i was 10 , I am 12 now but I can still sort of piece together my life as I wander through this unknown forest trying to figure out just how I would up here in the first place. Keeping on the trails following the line of path not to stray off though there were very few trails to tread upon in such a forest such as this. I had to hurry before sundown or another year will leap, i had to get to somebody before it was too late. it was 3:40 in the afternoon, the sun was still very bright but it was going down in about 6 it would start to go, by the time i wake up tomorrow I could be in a different place, whos to say i will be here tomorrow? I need to know how I got here today.I was aware i was aging but what i wasnt aware why I was here. I found a shack up ahead it was old and beaten and it looked like it had been abandoned for quite some time, the door was small but round the shack almost looked like a tiny outhouse, it was mahogany and the top roof was a dirty blue very rough-edged, the carpenter who made this house must have been on something, like a drug or something, but who is to say that I am not on something? i still could not grasp why the moon spoke to me with such anger. I made a bed in the shack out of newspapers i had found from a damp moldy box in the corner, it had a stench of death which lingered in a way that not too many things do. in other words the smell could repel or render someone sick. although no matter how bad the box, the old grubby shack still seemed to be more of a safety net then the rainy doleful outdoors. as the rain fell as the night turned to day I sat under a sheet one newspaper which covered the top of my head, i could not begin to think, i did not want tomorrow to come, i needed today, today was my only chance, tomorrow i will be thirteen years old, I feel like i am still hallucinating but I can't tell if its that or time is lapsing. I feel like i am being munipulated by gears, gears that chain me to my death. I ripped the newspaper off my face and sit up straight on the shakey wood floor, the floor felt like it was shaking more than usual. I got up, checked around, took in what i could and concluded i am going mad, i need to find my home. The boy inside me wanting to go home. home? then it became apparent, maybe my parents are looking for me, maybe if i leave they will stand a better chance of finding me? but with al this rain tumbling down its seemed that they would most likely not be searching. Running down the trail , my heart racing with desire to find my parents, i felt 12 going back 4 days i was younger, that child is still apart of me but as of tomorrow march 13th i will be a teenager but somewhere else. Running, running i fall face flat in the pile of mud. my body facing down, diagonal all twisted up like a flailing contortionist on the dirt road,
2
morning settled around though I had only received very little sleep for how very little time I got before I woke. it seemed to have drained the damn life force out of me because that morning I never experienced so much disorientation, and it did not help I could not see the full view or the road because head was baring down in the ground, it seemed to shade and avoid all other ojects surrounding me and it made me feel more engulfed. Every day begins this way, same as was the day before and that same pepetual doom that I feel from experiencing my life in days should scare me but it doesn't, doctors who tried to rationalize it can't even give my "disease" a name. All these thoughts overloading each circuit i tried to forget the past and work past getting my head off the ground i felt chain bound until I saw a light filling the black gaps of my life as I saw reality restored. Everything felt unclear in the dark and in the dark the mind can create many dangerous or many wonderful awe inspiring images. the mind doesn't fail un-noticed in the dark, in fact the mind becomes the centre of attraction. Its the law of the darkness. Though it was here in the darkness I felt most secure and it made wonder if death/letting go as hard as holding on? and is holding on to all this running all this running and aging, the stress and confusion surrounding my whereabouts and the whereabouts of my parents. I got off the ground looked around the the road, felt the sun still hitting me like the thumb of god crushing me.

Sage of the Seers - Divine or Hell? or maybe left in between ? - Salvia report #2

I was sitting on the veranda at night, with a notepad, a pen and music, i had my pipe filled to the top with pure salvia divinorum, I speak of it so often in my notes because the feelings i felt were unearthy, perception flickers from normality to madness.

I found myself in hysteria, perspiration pouring down my face like you wouldn't believe, I found myself staring blank down at the rug on the ground, the rug has big thick bold lines going every which way, the lines curved and it looked like the rug was coming to life, formation patterns began to form, and to my gaze I fell deeper into another level of conciousness and being. here's my thoughts

when I was sinking deeper I was listening to "Something" by the Beatles with my earphones on. I was thinking while i was on salvia, "I'm changing! Oh man I want out of this! wait I can't, I have to let go but I can't what if I don't make it back? what if this is all there is a plain existance where NOTHING CAN EXIST the only the lines, the pattern pieces, IT'S SO DAMN FRAIL what if it breaks?!!"

then I began to wonder if I change will the music I'm listening to change with me? then I heard a voice inside my head forcing me in, I couldn't go any further but it presisted on taking me down to the witches cauldron. It was scary, and the more i felt like falling in the further my mind escaped from reality, I knew that all wasn't lost yet, I still had a grip of the life-preserver, I knew as long as I held on nothing could harm nor touch me. I held onto the belief that soon I'll be home, though it can be hard to know where home is when your on the drug. another thing I remember quiet distinctly was that



"someone is throwing a party, a party for someone real important, maybe it was like a last supper for someone important, who knows, All I remember was in my head a voice said "Don't resist it, come in, we are waiting, there's a party, you're invited, We need you, You know you are important to US, We need you, remember yesterday when we went the factory where the machines were, remember?" it was like they were explaining to me that maybe in alternate world of salvia, I had a place or meaning of considerable value, they acted as if they knew me sooo well, they knew every fear and if I resisted they'd play against me, If I cooperated then they'd return me back when I resisted that is when they dragged me in and then my head began to shack spasm like, It was like "this is the way we flow" my head shakes, "Now this is the way you come in" and then i was obliterated into a thousand lost pieces so thats when I got up grabbed my notepad, music and ran into the house and as I ran I felt dizzy, scared, confused but I felt overwhelming sense of relief because the effects were beginning to wore off. I think I took 4 puffs the first beginning i felt nothing, then i took another 3 mins later i felt a lil something by the 4th hit I was only eyes that could see out, I couldn't feel my self, I mean I could but it felt tingly numbish but I could still feel. There is just so much that happened and some of it is vague even now, though I can never forget the important signifigance had placed on me. when i got inside the house I went up and gave the dog a hug, I was so happy to be home safe like i knew I would :)

The come down is very euphoric, It feels almost like a high I get off weed only a little different and not as fun lol.
What's amazing is salvia effects the brain unlike other hallucinogens, it has no alkloids and the significant igredient in salvia divinorum is called salvinorin A most salvia plants contain salvia A which is soley responsible for the cause of psychoactivity found from smoking it. other plants of Salvia contain Salvinorin B, C and more I'm pretty sure. I've done all my research and know all there is that is known about it. from the use of it with the indigenus Maztac shamans and so

PepperMint GLoW

Destination desolation
Feel my ego seperating
my numb

clam

my

hands

embrace
the warm peppermint glow
it's touch, touch loosely
and let go
then fall back
recline into another waking dream
where sanity meets half-way
to the half-way house
where hope dies
when the person is denied
the priviledge to excerise
the right to leave

salvia experience, a personal endeavor into depths of...

Written on : Monday Nov 7th, 2007
date of experience: Sunday morning, nov the 6th, 2007, (took place anywhere from 11am-12pm)

It is hard to believe that I am here still today after the shock I put my body through. It was not even a shock.. it was more like going in a truck full speed towards a brick wall without even slowing down. The feeling is so hard to relate to and hard to even concieve. It's a dark a feeling, like a wave clouding everything you are... drowning you within it's vicious currents.
I kid you not I only did one big toke of this Salvia shit and I was fucked.. My first time I felt nothing but I believe it is partly due because I did not inhail it correctly... My second time was...wow...intense...mind-blowing...hard-to-put-my-finger-on-it.

It was a dose possibly too strong for me. I did this the second time out of skeptism. I had no idea what I was in for..I said these exact words...

Guy: Do you feel anything?
Me: No I don't feel anything.....

and suddenly as these words dribbled out of my mouth.. I felt the touch of Salvia creep down the back of my head like a slithering snake. My face felt numb and freezing cold..I believe that Salvia adapts to the environment in which you do it in.. for example : If you do Salvia outside and it's cold or just chilly then Salvia takes that and enhances the feeling.. It amplifies the feeling 100X more colder than it would be for someone who wasn't on drugs.

I have no doubt that it plays with your mind...but only if you let it..but I warn you fighting it doesn't make it any better or any easier.. In fact if you are a newbie extra careful on the amount of Salvia you do.. it's not a joke.. it's the real shit...DO NOT MESS WITH IT! it's a dangerous hallucinogen and I can't believe that it is really legal in Canada.. You can walk to your nearest Big Bee and purchase this potent extract leaf for $15 or $30 or $50
the higher the price the better and more potent the Salvia will be.

Now back to my experience..
As I said these words "I don't feel anything"
the feeling then creeped me up by surprise and held me in it's place for about 5 minutes but if you want to know the real length of my trip.. then it was approximately 10 minutes but it felt like 10 hours... time seemed strained... everything was slower and colder... and when I tried to walk my legs felt unknown to me...
When I look back on my trip.. I think was it all for the better? Did I learn anything? would I do it again?
and the answer to all that is the same YES, YES, YES!
I learned a great deal of knowledge from this.. and even though I was scared shitless at the time it still feels like I somehow benefited from it.
I also later realized that I experienced what is formly known as "Ego-Death", I experienced a loss of my self almost completely and I regained in a new form of mind. I became something, or someone else.. I became...and I kid you not! I became a machine... Well more like a Gear or a wheel in a machine and I could feel a crank turning round and round.. I felt like a toy.. and people that I was hanging around with weren't tripping but they sure saw me trip and I heard them say things behind my back.. i was become increasingly paranoid. I had thought they had set me up. That they knew that I was a toy that they could use... and they told me that "It's time to go back to the factory to get fixed"
that's what I had heard.. It's scary because I felt like now I was not Bryan Sheldrick.. I had became Product No. 7... which was nothing and I had became non-existant... I Had Died! apart of me died and I don't know if it really did die or not but when I think about it something happened and it caused me to lose something that maybe or may not have been there in the first place but I don't know... everything is still hazey and when i was tripping I felt the strong sedated relaxation feeling running through me as well. and everything was just fake and unreal or maybe surreal... everything was distorted and my preception was no longer clear of anything other than the fact that I was FAKE I repeat F.A.K.E.... !
i WAS NOTHING to nobody and nobody was nothing to me... and the wheels and the metal gears were the only things that now mattered in my life... nothing else was there. no one was there just the gears and the faces of my old-friends...but at the time i wasn't even sure if they were even friends.. cos they wanted to take me back to the factory.. and I refused.. I told them I am not ready to go back there... I WAS FIXED! and i don't need anyone to take me anywhere. They convinced me that I was defected and I convinced them that they too were defected fraud-like machines!
I was buttoning up my jacket like I was putting on a suit.. like a toy-suit... if that makes any sense lol. It was a fucked up five minutes.. and i walked back to the shelter and time was slowly disperportioned in such a matter that was hard to lay a finger on it...

I came back in to the shelter and laid down on the couch in the room and clinged to the couch as well as my self. I was holding on for dear life.. praying to god that this trip would soon be over and that I will be alright again and that I will know myself as BRYAN and no longer be "this-old-toy"
whenever I heard that word "HEART" or "BEAT" or "PULSE" I plugged my eyes with my hands trying to tune it out... I didn't want to hear this... I did not want to see this... I did not want to endure this madness bud I had no other choice.. I even recall myself saying "I want to go back, I wish I had never smoked this shit ever" but I knew full well that I couldn't ever, ever, ever, ever go back to finding myself..
after 15 minutes I became aware and I became normal once again..
Do I recommand this ? well maybe and may not.. it has it perks and it's highs but don't be fooled because it can take you on a ride to fucking hell and back in 5 minutes or less.

Making nothing out of Nothing

you're trying to undue what has been done
Your trying to see the truth in what everyone says
but you've got something to worry about
when you're making up stories with no facts
You're turning away a good friend
because you assumed things
you are making nothing from nothing
believing in lies, lies, lies
and your trying to seek justice
for something nobody did
You are making too much out of nothing
from nothing at all
You are making too much of a deal
from nothing at all
You base you're facts
around nothing at all
You have no actual proof
it's time you confess
you don't know shit
cos' your making nothing from nothing
making nothing out of nothing at all
Just guilt-ridden lies in the clench of you're hands
you've got nothing on no one
You've got nothing against anyone
because you make too much of nothing
out of nothing
you make too much of a big
of a little thing
oh, you make nothing from nothing
a pile oh shit on doorstep
that you created yourself
You make too much of a deal
too much of a big thing
too much of monster
that you can't bring to tame

Remember Me Empty

Remember me empty
never half full,
never on the go
always alone.

Remember me nothing
No memories, no feelings.
I'll express my soul
in calligraphy confusion.

Remember me dead
remember my life
what I lived and endured,
All the lessons never learned
All the time spent wasted
All the tears wasted
could fill this room.

Founded

founded by family
bounded by gravity
brought forth by fate
united all hearts even ones that are late
senseless reels the empty head
thoughts fill the unopened mind
unquestioned
are the emotions
emotions that render hold those
who claimed to be untouchables
touched now forever or forever hold your peace
pieces together conjoined forever
are hearts that unite all hearts
and then the questions are answered
through your eyes soft spoken i see
the answer is not a notion
love is the answer the unspoken potion.

The ExiT DreAm /A Lie/Beeseeched by a lie/ A Lie

The Exit Dream

like a plague among mans race
the chase was long the demons rode on our backs for days
the exit dream waas approaching fast
and the the plague that would end mans race
the chase would be long
but it was ours to take
the exit dreams is approaching now
we can run but we all can't escape it

a lie?
A lie, a lie, alie
A llie?
a lie, a lie, alie

we reached to the top of the climb
when we reach the opposite side
the exit becomes and entrance
to a better life
or have we all been deceived by a lie?
a golden gate prophecy, god waving flags
we reached to the top of the climb
the opposite side
we found nothing there so we felt trapped
is this the world of the unknown go
when they just don''t know?

a lie?

have you been beseeched by a lie
heavens dream crushed before you
like a wall you thought would hold
your everlasting bounty for you
well it all washed away like down a river
that went dry long ago before you were born
have you ever felt trapped?
have you ever been n the centre ring
the entertainment or the showman
who the circus freak act
the top of the line acrobats

a lie?
a lie, a lie, a lie?
a lie?

Gears that form/worldtraped

the gears formed...

....a chain
I was the master
but please let me explain
how I came in
and found the machine
it was a multi-unit disaster
compressed is a seed of truth
i found the obediant
way to be
from my a master
who formed the machine


A world taped...

... patched up by a tape of lies
read this now
and looking back
i can't even begin to summarize
the rest is all now taped over with lies
all that i said now is close your eyes
and we will do our best job to keep you alive
and i feel the heart
of a racing engine
and i play the part
of the guy
soul projecting
into the movie screen where oblivion is playing
oh his hearts in vain
at the theatre where everything is showing
all our deepest fears
are in this one machine

searching for a seat inside
a crowded theatre
gathered with friends
who opt to chew
through your biographical life
while you sit and suffer mental deterioration
through the showcase of surreal horrors

right
here
the pornographic images fly onto the silver screen
I'm grinning at the impossible
as my life becomes fictionalized through dreams.
Friends become parodies of characters from TV
life is so uncertain in the dreams

plastic mug full of tear drops

i wish i could save every drop of tear

in a plastic mug,

I wish that I could hold your memory

like a warm rug.

I wish I could make up for the loss

with my escape plan

I wish i could hold you up to the warm light

see your childlike smile looking down on me

I wish i could hold you like a love long

beforre the cold front settles in

i wish i could make a way to give life

and bring you back into my world again

Peace is yummy, Red is loud?

Peace is yummy

Red is loud

Green is sharp

Clouds are motors

on heavens highway

Resistance is futile

I Am Machine

Resistance is futile

I know the code

I cracked the mold

and found the gold

in the seventh circle

in the third layer damned.

peace is yummy

peace is peaceful

Red is red

Green is Green

Clouds are nimbus

Clouds are rectangular

Clouds are visions

upon a spectacle

blue day!

man and machine

it's enough to make your eyes pop

it's enough to give you a head rush to make your heart stop

I can feel it

my body electric, slipping away

heart and soul, my heart deteriates

man and machine,

you the urge to be free

its enough to drive a sane man insane

its enough far too much for you to handle, you dig?

its enough to make your eyes pop

its good enough to make your mouth drop

I can feel it

my body electric, slipping away!

heart and soul, my mind deteriates

man and machine, becoming one

the word

you dig?

bended emotions curve

I feel my legs bending with emotions

just curve me over into an explosion

and flatten me out from this car wreck

until I'm shaped

into your design

flaw.

prove to me this time.

I know the truth is in a wrecked design.

You don't know that its true beauty that shines behind

like a hidden shrine,

The shrine is the machine

he is also me, and me, and me.

The truth of the fact

the matter is

if you let yourself be

its easier to set yourself free

the question is what are you going to do now?

who are you going to be?

You can keep it, you can't take it with you

you can always take it with you when you go

but you can't take it with you when you leave

this life thats from you

You can keep all the warm momentos

you can hold on tight to the memories

until its your time to go

You can always take it with you, the memories

but you can't leave with them, you must leave it all behind

Hell on highway/I don't see a reason/I gave you life

Hell on a highway

Hell is a flat wheel on a busy highway

Heaven is a gas station away

just miles up the road

I'd like to get there soon..

i don't see a reason ....

I don't see the reason why I should be bleeding

on this dark forsaken highway, i'm at a crossroads in my life

and i no longer see the reason why I should be bleeding all this time

all my blood for someone else ( i don't see a reason..)

all my blood for someone else (no reason...)

its coming down to this its blood, love and money

love becomes like money expensive and expendable

one day here and then one day gone tomorrow

and I don't see the reason why I should be bleeding

all this time for you (i don't see a reason).

all this time for you (for why I should be bleeding)

all this time for.....

I gave you life...

and now you are blowing down my breezes

every chance i get

with your heating mechanisms

your tearing a rip through my wind

ripping away my bitter end

leave me breathless on this treacherous road.

I gave you blood just so you know

and I gave you everything a man can give

you rejected my love

I gave you life but you still took because you never had enough

vibrations sizzle, blood i shed

vibrations sizzle,
skin curls, rolls
electricuted
eyes still sizzle
cringing at the drop of blood
the memory that was clear
is now completely gone
just as I am taken over
by the hurt and dessertion
the blood i shed,
no tears.
the wounds i carry
I bled down to my knees
in soul and in mind
the frozen frame of mind
stands alone
inside
and I become taken over
by the hurt and dessertion
the bloodd i shed,
no tars
the wounds i carry
are just reminders
for traces best left forgtten

how did our paths become entwined?
we've never met but it feels I known you all my life, maybe here,
or in a life before me....

detached.

Detached

we live our lives out seperately

incohorent of realization our own actions

spaced out by the dividing line between us,

detached.

only to die alone and unattached

unfelt and unseen, surely

I'm almighty awesome

in a state of fantastic wild euphorium

and I am detached and I like it very much that way

I'm almighty alrighty don't you worry I'll wake up alive

unfelt and unseen, surely you have no regrets for hurting me

You made it perfectly clear when you said your real regret was meeting me

but I'm almighty awesome

yes I don't seek you approval, if its insecurity well call me guilty

you made it perfectly clear i'm not worthy

A Journey

a journey of half

half the journey

has our journey stopped here?

to dream away

to dream to waste

waste away a dream another day

has our journey stopped here?

half a journey. have a second

for half a heart, to give half back

a journey of one

needs half a journey to share it with

a journey of two

and it all starts back with you

has our journey stopped

no the journey has just begun

for two halfs to come together

to make two half one